I’m completely ready to run away from it all.
fuck being a good anything.
Even a mom. Yes even a mom. I’m ready to walk away from everything. Not give up but just no longer do for others when 1. They won’t do for themselves, AND the never reciprocate.
So yeah packing a bag soon to leave. You wonder where I am, don’t. Because you never cared to come when you knew where to find me.
i purposely play the hood rat
pull out my ratchet
let my tongue click clack
drop stoopid bitch niggahs
on they knick knacks
they reach aint long enough to slap box with the god-ess
cause god is
what controls this flow
knowledge of self is never ending
an everyday process
i let process eclipse me
or arm myself in defense
always gotta be ready for war
dressed to kill
with neurologic precision
I decimate dirt mites
they get all dressed up
just to fall the fuck back
i’m more man than they will every be
cause every man understand
what happens when you put my cubs in jeopardy
make me show my claws
you gon’ end up in a drawer.
and i’m done.
(c)(p) J TheGodIs 2015 #bars (video to come)
we get tired of tags and bags
get tired of carrying them.
over time it they mean less and less
get beat up more and more,
stuck with the baggage.
carry it around like a badge of honor.
the thing is.
unclaimed baggage is meant to be recycled,
given away freely or auctioned off to the highest bidder
like at airports.
there is a reason there is a limit to how many bags,
you can carry on.
the next time you wonder why you’re not going anywhere,
“do i have too many bags?”
Suggestions of using legal names bother me.
Its the legality that irks me.
I wanted to remove the chains that bound me to this system,
I chose my own name instead of the one I was given.
Why wouldn’t “they” respect my choice?
I know he meant well,
his suggestion for legality so “they” will respect my voice.
Except I don’t care what they call me.
As long as they remember my name.
As a budding writer and poet of performance, the parallels between theater and life are blatantly clear. The world we live is in a constant attempt to make sense of who you are.
On a stage, we at least get clear direction of the image and perception being portraying. We can be confident that the performance is not all of who we are. (particularly helps with hard topics) Us poets, are particularly confident that a particular poem is not all of who we are. If we are good, the audience gets a glimpse of a life. They leave with an understanding of the character we are playing.
Life is the same. Except there is no script that everyone can follow along to for understanding of who we are as individual. What script we read from is completely up to us. The problem is, we’re not all reading from the same script. Even when we are, we’re not all on the same page. Which gives the individual two choices: play the role given to you or write your own script.
I choose to write my own script. I choose to hold the pen.
This morning, I came across an interview that Janelle Monae and her new artist, Jidenna, gave on The Breakfast Club. Entering my shower this morning, their words poured over me with the water. Something in my spirit was sparked. I had to take an extra hour to myself just to listen again. There were so many gems in tis interview that brought up thoughts I have had myself when thinking about Art LovHer.
While Art LovHer is not on the same level as Wonderland, but one day we could be. One day someone could take notice on what we (and many other independent artists) have been creating and be willing to fund that. And then what will we be about? I’m driven to still be about the same intention of community independence as when I drove an empty bandwagon.
Its the intention that will make us successful. And its necessary. We’re at a turning point in society where we need to support each other. We, grown ups, need to show up for our black & brown youth while we can still impact their choices. We have an opportunity to tech our children how to make better choices than we were taught on everything from self-esteem to financial empowerment to food health. So how does that connect to this interview? The idea behind the “classic man” and “electric lady”(mentioned in another interview with Janelle Monae) The classic man as Jidenna calls it is not a concept that applies to one’s look but to one’s demeanor. The way in which one carries themselves no matter what they are wearing. In my exploration of black feminism, I’m constantly entering into conversations of respectability. The politics of which is still very grey. Many believe that women only deserve the respect they dress for. Others, of which I am one, believe that women (an all people) deserve respect because they exist. The classic man/electric lady lifestyle, as i understand it, is one of which we are human beings with integrity and compassion for ourselves and fellow human being. One in which elders step in to protect our youth. Individuals are always conscious of the collective good and their contribution to it. One in which each of us working towards our 10,000 hours is doing it because self-improvement allows us to develop talents and skills that maintain the whole of our community.
Art LovHer still has miles to go before it grows to the place where Wonderland is, but I am grateful they are there for the guidance and inspiration.
Thanks to the universe for this moment of enlightenment. Check out the interview below:
the saddest thing
is that she thought you were worth something.
you were one of the good ones.
Even when you proved all her friends right.
When you showed your ass,
as the only place for her to lay her kisses,
she loved you more.
fought for you harder.
ran faster in hopes of catching up with that dream,
and legacy with you.
was too much
or not enough or maybe you had had enough
or she was much more than you had bargained for
thought she’d stay your bottom b*tch
even after your itch had subsided
she kept her nails well manicured if ever you needed some scratch
because she love you,
when you turned your back
she turned a cheek,
relishing in the sting of the pain,
finding her way free in the submission.
she would willingly leave herself open.
for you to pillage.
you who always wants the world for a dollar,
without a nickle to his name.
bottom of the barrel
crab ass monkey boy
still ain’t never grow up
you lost boy
still baby-faced when you shave.
she loved you when you shaved.
said your jawline reminded her of the constellations
that still hold her childhood wishes,
which is probably why,
no matter how hard she tried
she couldn’t ever fix her mouth to say no.
unable to admit when she didn’t want it,
couldn’t take it,
or deserved better.
i’m glad she’s finally realizing she deserves better
than she’s been accepting,
(c)(p) 2015 Joi Sanchez
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