Radical Honesty… (& things of that nature)

“Because of being lost in our own minds, we fail to recognize that the truth changes. When truth changes and we fail to recognize what has now become true, while holding on to the idea of what used to be true, we become liars committing suicide.” -Brad Blanton, “Radical Honesty”

 

I’ve been reading this book, Radical Honesty, that the above quote comes from. So far I’m half way through it. For a couple chapters, I was feeling good about myself because everything this book said, I already did. I live in honesty, never holding my tongue when I feel a way. Its what makes my art so well received. The fact that I am connected to the highest truth and able to say the things that others are afraid to speak.

Then I got to the chapters dealing with anger. I realized, with my anger, I am not honest. It is an emotion I still hide. Sure, I express my anger with the greater problems of the world: racism, sexism, oppression, the general fucked-up state of the world, etc. But when it comes to dealing with anger on a personal level, I shrink. I suppress it.  I do not confront it. When and if I do confront it, its always after it has had time to build up, eventually exploding in a way that can be devastating. I’m recognizing that it’s unhealthy. It is possibly the most unhealthy habit I have carried into my adult life. And I don’t want to live like that anymore.

The book advises to talk to the person face to face. That speaking through the anger you have as it happens so it is released from your being. After releasing the anger, you express appreciations for the person, thus walking through and moving forward together. So, I have  decided to write as much as possible about it. Some of these conversations I can’t have any more because those people are dead. Some of these people have simply been lost to me through time and distance. Some of these people, I have tried these conversations with and have shown they simply are not willing to listen nor participate in the process of working through whatever issues stand between us. Instead of chasing ghosts, talking to brick walls, or holding these things in; I am choosing to write them out.

Some of these writings, I will share here. Maybe they can help someone struggling with their own issues. Maybe they will be phenomenal pieces of writing that someone will enjoy reading. I’m not sure what they will be for anyone else. For me, they will be a cleansing. A purification of my spirit which has been clogged with anger for way too long. They will be things that no longer bind me. All I want is to be free.

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